He's growing up.

My son is growing up.  This was his last year in elementary school and he is now on his way to middle school.   I think this was his best school year yet.  Do you know what happened this year? You won't believe it but two major things happened, two fantastic, unbelievable things happened:
The first one was that for the first time in forever, C went on an overnight school trip.  That. Was. A. Big. Deal!!!! We had never, ever allowed C to spend the night away before. He's been at my mom's, his grandmother but that's it. Field trips have always been same-day no biggie. You go and we pick you up after school but this one was something else completely.  My husband who's also his dad, my husband and I had to prep him for everything and I mean, everything.  Because he's never been away, we didn't know how he was going to act, whether he would understand privacy and personal space and appropriateness.  We didn't know. We'd never gone down that road before so we gave him a crash course in social norms. We had to go over bathroom etiquette, food and eating etiquette, safety, everything... And the whole time, my heart and I think his dad's too, our hearts were in our throat. We kept wondering: Is he ready? What if they call us? He'll be miles away! I told my husband who happened to be spending time at home that week "why don't you go?  You could go and just follow the bus. Just go and stay at the same hotel. Maybe he could spend the entire day with his class but can be with you at night." Yes, I did. I'm not going to lie. I was just thinking about keeping him safe and preventing any embarrassment. I didn't know if he would understand that he had to lock the bathroom door when he was in there, that he had to make sure he was fully clothed, take care of himself, all these things. We even allowed him to take his DSI though not the ipad but we were afraid for that, too. Would he remember to bring it back? We had a thousand and one questions going through our heads until the day of the trip. Then we just waited; held our breath and waited.  We figured that this will be a kind of test, a measure of his social skills and survival abilities.  This, we thought, will tell us so much about our kid. How far he's come, where he's still struggling. So much. The night before the trip, I called him over as I was packing his overnight bag. I showed him everything I was putting in there, going over how and when to use each item, rules associated with each situation. Really kind of a crash course into how to behave on an overnight class trip. I tried to think of every possible scenario, of every problem that could arise.  And I just talked, about each and every possibility:  Games he was or wasn't allowed to play (not sure he really followed those rules), how much money he was allowed to spend. He had just come back from New York and his grandfather had given him a $100.00 bill. He was only allowed to spend 50. I also wrote a note to the teacher about the money. I found out a stack of papers that were sent home regarding the trip after the school year had ended and, it turned out that teachers were not responsible for money; but his teacher didn't not even hesitate; she didn't say a thing, just took the envelope with a smile. She's the reason C went on this trip. She really is. She pushed and asked and persuaded. She went over the arrangements, who C would be sharing a room with. This teacher, she is simply... She's someone special. She was rooting for C to go and in the end, she convinced us to let him participate in this amazing experience.  So we did all of this then, it was time to tackle the food issues. I don't know if I told you before but my son is orally defensive. He has oral-motor dysfunction and doesn't chew properly. He's also afraid to eat anything that is crispy or requires lots of biting, masticating. We've had him doing feeding therapy since he was in the NICU (hospital unit for preemies) but, that stopped in 2013. We're looking for another feeding therapist in fact. We're hoping to be able to work with one soon. So anyway, we had to make sure our kid wouldn't starve so I made him his usual breakfast,. oatmeal.  I had to think:  He will need this for two days now. His teacher had said she would bring a cooler so we made him some and put it in one of those thermos. We made enough for the road and the rest was to be stored in a cooler so that he wouldn't need to worry about breakfast on the second day. I also made mac and cheese just in case. His teacher said she was sure he would be able to find something for him to eat but my poor mother's heart just couldn't take the risk of having him without food so I cooked and sent. And that's how we did it. We sent him with his overnight bag, a slinger, money and his DSI and he made it! There were no urgent phone calls, just texts and pictures and maybe a call to ask if C was allowed to have orange juice but he made it.  No issues at night or in the morning. No embarrassing incidents. He took care of himself his teacher said. He had some trouble packing when it was time to leave or maybe he was taking too long but my boy was fine!!! When my husband went to pick him up on Friday night, his teacher told him: "You have a great kid! He was fine. no trouble at all."  So yes! He had fun and he was excited. He even went to bed super early the night before whereas he usually complains that he's not sleepy but not that night. He went straight to bed because he had to be up at 4 am and he sure didn't want to miss the bus. We got to the school parking lot and the buses were already there. So were other parents and the teachers. C had on the wrong shirt. Apparently, his dad didn't read the note that all 5th graders were to wear their 5th grade shirt. But we had it in his bag so quickly, his dad took him to the car and changed it. And then it was time. C was greeted very enthusiastically by some of his classmates and they just whisked him away. He was taken to the bus and settled happily with two other friends. And, he already had an ipad in his hands. The girls sitting with him were letting him use theirs.  Lucky kid! He was smiling! His teacher took me on the bus and told me "You've go to see this". And I saw and I smiled and I was so much happier, felt so much better. This was the right decision.  We'd made the right decision. I think this was one of the best things we've ever done for our son.
The other thing was equally important though for completely different reasons.  Well, C had a "date"!!!!! Yes he did! He had a date for the 5th grade "graduation" dance at his school. I found out about a week before the dance from the date's mom.  I was leaving his academic fair at school on a Wednesday evening, on my way out the door when someone I didn't know but who was super nice told me "Hi. So you're C's mom. Your son is going to be my daughter's date for the dance." I swear I thought it was a joke. Now you know that C being language impaired and autistic doesn't usually share information about what goes on in school.  We have to ask teachers and check his backpack, our email. that sort of things to keep up with school happenings. So to hear that my son had a date was like hearing that elephants spoke Chinese. But the lady insisted. Yes, he asked my daughter to be his date and she said yes. And this cutie pie of her daughter was bobbing her head "yes, yes. he asked me to be his date". So mom told me how her daughter had asked C what his favorite color was and how he had said "green" so that mom and daughter had gone shopping for a dress that matched those requirements and had found the perfect dress." All I could think the whole time this conversation was happening was "what? What? Are you serious?  What? You went shopping?" I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was good. It was very good. Just couldn't believe we were talking about my kid and a girl. And she was so sweet and so was mom btw. The only question I had was "Did they know? Did they know my son was autistic? Was his classmate being nice or was she genuinely excited?" It was just too funny. So I went home and shared this on my FB page like "OMG. You guys are not going to believe this but C has a date and apparently he said he liked green and now the date got a dress with green so I have to do something like get a green tie!" I was screaming and laughing all at once. How crazy was that that my kid who is so awkward found himself having a "date" for the 5th grade dance. That was, that was just the last thing I expected. But I was happy for him. I don't think he quite understood the implications of having a date at first because both his teacher and I had to remind him that he couldn't ask anyone else to be his date because he already had one.
That day was a beautiful day. Just perfect. He looked so handsome in his outfit. We got his "date" a flower and how funny that they arrived in school at the same time. So C handed her the wrist corsage and said in his gravelly, deep voice, "that's for you" and she was so happy and said "thanks C...". I smiled. Then we went inside and C went to his class. The ceremony lasted about 2 hours and then we had to leave but not before taking some pictures. We took loads of pictures, lots of them with "his date" and more with us, his grandmother, his teacher, his classmates. It was fun. I had fun. Then we had to leave. But his teacher, bless her heart, took a picture of C with his date and that was such a nice one. Not sure I'm allowed to show you one on here. Wish I could but don't want to share what's not mine. I just wanted to share these two special things that happened with you. Both were really pretty special.