C is growing up and I guess I'm not alone in admitting it gives me a bittersweet feeling to know that my boy is getting older. I've heard so many parents say they wish they could slow down the clock or even turn back the hands of time just to enjoy their kids' younger years a little longer! Well, I feel that way, too. When kids get older, things get more complicated. There are more expectations. Society puts more pressure on what the right behavior is supposed to be and the bar is set even higher for C and other kids like him who already have a hard time meeting expectations by no fault of their own. When they are younger, things are still simple enough that we, their parents, can still let them do what makes them happy, watch them be happy doing what they want, what gives them joy without worrying about others staring, commenting or whispering.
What may be less common is the fear that sometimes clenches my gut when I look at my baby and see new problems emerging, new challenges and wonder what they are, where they come from, whether he will outgrow them and whether I can help him get past them. I love my son more than my own life and would love to have that guarantee that his life will turn out OK but unfortunately, I don't have that luxury. I can't look through a crystal bowl and predict the future but I do have faith. Faith in God and faith in His love for C, a love that I'm told, is even greater than the love I have for C. It is that faith that helps me confront the challenges that come up as C continues to grow and change. My boy is loved. He is loved by me, by his dad, by his family and by God! He has a lot of people on his side, people who are ready to go above and beyond the mere call of duty to make sure he is OK, that he ends up OK. So when I look at him and notice something new, something that will turn out to be a challenge before it is deconstructed, understood and dealt with, when I feel fear taking over, I hang on to the knowledge that C is loved. And he knows it. And that goes a long way into helping him feel good about himself, feel good in his own skin. I love you C. There I said it. And I'll say it to you many, many times throughout your life. And don't you forget it!
